give it up
by edeabeth
Summary: he feels like a fool for believing in this, but for the longest time he'd assumed that life had frozen here. nothing would have changed. but they've grown up.


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give it up

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Beck never stuck around long after graduation, but no one really expected him to.

Cat's a blur of glitter and fast sentences that blend together, and Robby's arms are naked without Rex. Andre is lost in his mind, because he doesn't think about much anymore-just music notes that are an endless musical slaughter.

Tori is rushing towards the future in a way that he can't understand because the future looks like it's crumbling a part.

And he could never say goodbye to Jade again.

He heads off to Canada to some nameless university so he can dissolve into the world.

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Thirty-two rejections.

Three small roles in small movies that don't gain much spotlight.

He gets a job as a waiter

Gotta pays the bills.

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He a text from Robbie, because it never would have come from anyone else, but the kid's dying. This for some reason makes him think about that time it was Rex in the hospital, and they had been playing resurrection because Robbie just couldn't accept the reality that a dead chunk of wood in his hands could be anything else but _alive_.

He remembers snide comments and brutal remarks and questions how much Robbie controlled over the puppet, and then begins to wonder how much the puppet controlled Robbie.

Beck doesn't really know what to say to someone who is dying, and sits stupefied until Tori texts him for the first time in three years, ignoring standard happy-birthday-merry-christmas-catch-up-with-you-later messages, asking him to come home because things are bad.

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He packs a bag.

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He thinks about the way the door had sounded when it slammed shut between him and Jade. He wonders if Jade would still be there, hanging around their high school haunts. He counts down from ten again and again, chanting numbers like they're holy or something. The cab driver gives him odd look but says nothing.

Tori's waiting for him outside of Hollywood Art's.

Or what had been Hollywood Art's before it had been torn down and all that's left is a massive parking lot glinting gold, silver and rust.

"Hey. I should have told you about this." She tells him, her sentence dropping dead on the road as she greets him quietly. She looks like a corpse, hair knotted and eyes rimmed with dark circles. There's a ring on her finger and her smile looks so thin. "I'm actually surprised you came."

"I figured it had to be something big for you to ask, Vega." He tries to grin at her but it comes off plastic so he just stops trying.

Tori looks at him slowly, a calculating expression that makes him think about Jade.

"It's Shapiro, actually."

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The car ride is slow and tense.

She drives fast and charges corners, bolting through red lights and ignoring stop signs. For a second it feels like he's seventeen again and he's in the passenger seat next to Jade and he never really figured Tori would be one to drive reckless.

He also never pegged her to marry Shapiro, and always assumed that the wedding invitation that had been mailed to his apartment belonged to her and Andre.

"How is he?" He asks quietly, wondering if he was even allowed to speak.

Suddenly the screech of brakes fills the empty road, and she gives him a hollowed look.

"He died last night."

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She drops him off at his parent's house. The RV is gone, but it doesn't matter as much because he doesn't feel the need to pretend to swagger about rebelliously, and he doesn't want to stay long enough to get caught up in rules.

He kisses his mother's cheek and greets his father as warmly as he could pretend.

"We heard the news this morning, Beck. We're so sorry about your friend." His mother whispers in his ear, each word sounding heavier and heavier.

"Thanks," he mumbles back, but he isn't sure what he's saying thanks for.

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Tori texts him an address that night, with a single name.

Andre.

Her words look cold across the screen, like they're poisoned or something.

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(he was right)

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The door was painted black, and that should have been the first clue.

The house looked almost normal, planted amongst other houses. Flower that grew out of control in flower beds looked almost pretty, wrapping up around each other and roots knotting together. There isn't a welcome mat which strikes him as strange because he always figured Andre to be a welcome mat sort of guy.

He knocks three times before the door swings open and he's trapped beneath the dark glare of Jade.

They look at one another, Jade towering over him in the way she always had, and Beck shrinking beneath the force that made up her anger.

"Who's there?" He can hear Andre's voice calling from behind her dark form but suddenly the door slams in his face and he can only listen to the muffled reply of

"no one."

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Is that what he is now? Nobody?

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It takes three tries for Andre to come to the door, and even then Andre isn't happy to see his high school best friend.

Beck had hoped for a smile and maybe even a handshake. Some awkwardly funny comment. Not his arm wrapped around Jade's waist, hard frown in place.

Andre looks coldly at him. "You just here for the funeral, or what?"

Beck stares at Andre. "What has happened since I've left?"

He snorts. "Life, man."

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Andre's famous in the song writing world, and he's done a few albums as well as collaborations with other artists. Jade starred in a popular action movie as the heroine, a figure done up in black and voice dripping with witty insults and dark threats. She's also written novels and done work with Andre and somewhere down the lines got engaged to the man.

"Robby got sick hard. Like, punch you in the face and kick you in the crotch hard. He and Tori rushed to get married because everyone knew he wasn't going to last long. He had been sure you would have shown up to the wedding. Should have heard the man going on about how your invite got lost or some nonsense."

Beck swallowed.

"Then he got even worse. Had to be hospitalized. Tori just about moved in with him, leaving in the mornings to go get clean clothes and stuff. A lot of things started crumbling apart at that point. Trina committed suicide and the Cat took off for China."

"She committed suicide?"

"That's what Andre just said." Jade smiles hard at him, because maybe she's still hurting from everyone vanishing. "Why do you care?"

He does care, because Trina was part of those years where he was the star and Tori was the opposing figure and Jade was always in the wings waiting to be at his side.

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He feels like a fool for believing in this, but for the longest time he'd assumed that life had frozen here. Nothing changed.

Jade doesn't wear black skirts and shiny tank tops, or those huge combat boots that left dents in her locker. She's wearing black skinny jeans and a white sweater, and she doesn't look so scary with her liner because she isn't wearing it anymore, and it's a thousand times more scary.

He feels electrocuted as he watches Andre hold Jade's hand, or the way her entire expression softens for a second as she looks at him. They're like the keys of a piano, sharp and loud and contrasting.

Jade looks at him for a second. "Where did you even go after graduation?"

Andre and her are hurt that he just left without saying goodbye, and Tori doesn't feel any warm and tender thoughts like she might have if things were just different.

He jumps at the opening to escape the conversations of dead friends. "I went to Canada for school and did a few roles before I gave up. The business got to tough, you know?"

Jade gives him a blank look. "You just gave up?"

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Home isn't much of a home anymore. A lot of things are different. Maybe Jade's not so angry now, and Andre isn't so compliant. He shows Beck to the door of their home, and shuts it firmly behind Beck.

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Tori meets him in the morning for coffee, and she shows up looking tired and angry, and she looks at him with a glare that'd make Jade proud.

"Hey." He calls to her quietly, trying to give her a smile. "Morning."

She gives him a slight nod before sitting down across from him. "I take it you saw them yesterday?"

"Why didn't you tell me they were together?" He demands to her, feeling his heart pound and skull throb. "You let me just walk up to their door and find them-" he paused for a moment, trying to find the right word and realizing he already said it. "Together."

She snorts, filling her coffee with milk and sugar. "You never would have went if you knew."

He stared at her. "Why does everyone keep saying that?"

Tori cocks her head, brown eyes meeting his. "Do you remember when Jade gave you that choice? To open the door? She gave you ten seconds, and you just let them slip away. She shouldn't have had to give you any seconds because you should have just opened the door and faced her. But you could never do that. You could never just confront anything, because you never did that." Tori sighed loudly. "You ran away after graduation, because you couldn't face anyone."

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He never liked confronting his problems.

Why should he? He had always had Jade to confront his problems.

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He doesn't dare go to the funeral, because no one really wants him there. Jade is past him, and maybe that's what makes him feel like someone has rubbed salt into his wounds. So he gives it up.

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He goes back to Canada.

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End file.
